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~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight:

met the hottest Finns alive.  
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Lost.

Journal Entry: Sun Oct 12, 2008, 5:24 PM
I'm trying to hold my tongue to avoid saying anything I will regret.

This is going to become more of a rant than anything else, but oh well.

I'm just tired in every sense of the word. Physically tired, emotionally drained, etc. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to put up with what I am dealing with at this point, but I'm trying as hard as I can to hold on. It hasn't even been a month since I saw Apo, and I miss them dearly. I know I won't be seeing them again for awhile.

High school is pretty much hell in general, aside from the laughs I've had with my friends. It's just brought on more drama than I ever expected, and I am now fighting a huge battle with myself in a sense. As of now, I am losing this emotional battle, and I don't know if I'll be able to pull through okay. It depends mainly on the next few weeks or the next month, even.

All the events that occur from this moment on will decide a lot of things. New relationships being fostered, hearts being broken, and the possibility of losing art, music, languages, and sports from my high school. I have a feeling that November isn't going to be a fantastic month; even though I will be turning 15.

I don't think that I've ever felt so lost, insecure, tired, and hurt in my life. I lost a dear friend of mine, and I have a feeling I am going to lose myself soon.

It's scary, really, but I'm trying to look ahead... I'm praying that I will be able to pull off this whole cross-country Apocalyptic adventure with some friends after I graduate...

But that is, after all, four years from now.

No Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Mood: Insecure
  • Listening to: As It Fades ~ VNV Nation
  • Drinking: Coca-Cola

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 14
  • Current Residence: Secret.
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: Small or Medium
  • Interests: Music, sports, art, academics
  • Favourite band or musician: Apocalyptica
  • Favourite genre of music: metal
  • Favourite style of art: pencil drawings, traditional
  • Operating System: HP Pavillion mx703 with Windows XP: Home Edition
  • MP3 player of choice: iPod... although I must settle for my cheap mp3 player..
  • Wallpaper of choice: @.@ Anything Apocalyptica.
  • Favourite game: Trauma Center Second Opinion and Trauma Center New Blood (for the Wii)
  • Favourite gaming platform: Wii
  • Personal Quote: "When the world turns its back on you... poke it."
  • Tools of the Trade: pencil, kneaded eraser, paper, inspiration

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Devious Comments

~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: 9 hours 32 minutes ago
o__o Sounds epic.

:'D You'll have so much fun. Ask Eicca if he ever got my letter if you could...

Nothing really. High school is eating up my life and I don't know if I'll be getting a 4.0. I probably will, but. Ehh.

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~Chaldemone:iconChaldemone: 19 hours 34 minutes ago
The letter I'm writing Tyler is going to be epic. I outlined it into twelve sections; I'm still on section two and typing on page two. :P
And the Apo concert is in about two weeks, so you can imagine the preparations I have yet to make.

What's been going on with you?

--
William Faulkner: "The past is never dead; it's not even past."

"Time passed; worlds diverged. [. . .] and time turned friends to strangers."

Proud member of ~ApocalypticSanctuary and ~Eiccatoppinenitis.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: 1 day 21 minutes ago
DD: Oh...

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~Chaldemone:iconChaldemone: 1 day 1 hour ago
But MSN sucks, and I have ..*dies* too much to do. ;__; Fxck. I haven't even written in my journal this month yet..

--
William Faulkner: "The past is never dead; it's not even past."

"Time passed; worlds diverged. [. . .] and time turned friends to strangers."

Proud member of ~ApocalypticSanctuary and ~Eiccatoppinenitis.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: 1 day 3 hours ago
You should go on MSN or something.

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~Chaldemone:iconChaldemone: 1 day 4 hours ago
I knoww!! D:

--
William Faulkner: "The past is never dead; it's not even past."

"Time passed; worlds diverged. [. . .] and time turned friends to strangers."

Proud member of ~ApocalypticSanctuary and ~Eiccatoppinenitis.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: 1 day 7 hours ago
Oh, I'm fine. :hug: I haven't talked to you for awhile. D:

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~Chaldemone:iconChaldemone: 1 day 19 hours ago
Hey darling... :worry: I'm worried about you. What's going on?

--
William Faulkner: "The past is never dead; it's not even past."

"Time passed; worlds diverged. [. . .] and time turned friends to strangers."

Proud member of ~ApocalypticSanctuary and ~Eiccatoppinenitis.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Oct 4, 2008, 3:43:41 PM
You're welcome. ^^

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~JulianaL:iconJulianaL: Oct 4, 2008, 3:12:59 PM
ty for the fav :]:]

--
~All to the Glory of God~
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 29, 2008, 4:29:22 PM
xDD

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
=peki-vremen:iconpeki-vremen: Sep 29, 2008, 4:28:18 PM
:iconsharknoseplz::iconsharkeyeplz:
:iconayamexgirl::iconsharkbodyplz:

--
I have Eiccatoppinenitis! :love: Join the club! ~Eiccatoppinenitis

~anushkacz Check out her Apo, Lordi, Rasmus pics/drawings.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 29, 2008, 4:15:29 PM
You're welcome! :D

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~sigurka:iconsigurka: Sep 29, 2008, 10:55:12 AM
Dziękuję za fav = Thank you for the fav;) :sun:

--
"What's it like.. To be back?"
"You see things in life and you'd be surprised what you see.
Life.. Your whole life is changes.
You go through changes in your life.
One second, you got it made.
Next second you're down in the dumps.
And it goes back
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 28, 2008, 1:27:35 PM
Aww, thank you! :hug:

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
*Etheriana:iconEtheriana: Sep 28, 2008, 1:21:55 PM
Found your page on Apo's forum. :aww: You're good! :nod: :hug:

--
Spread your wings and fly away! :floating:
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 20, 2008, 6:32:53 PM
Seriously? Cool! I've been really busy lately (school, etc.) so I haven't been on MSN a ton. I'm usually on pretty late when I do come on. I'll talk to you then. :D

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~apofan1987:iconapofan1987: Sep 20, 2008, 3:06:38 PM
hey so this is j_laurent777 .. or jamie.. from the first apo concert.. you were literally 2 feet or so to my right.. i was right behind first row with my gf. i saw you but wasnt sure it was u. i got a shirt and all but anterro signed it. he kinda ran out fast. wish i had a camera but i dont. could u log onto msn some time? ive sent a million messages wondering where you went and so i added this for now to say hi. :D sounds like ur poster was a hit with the band :P glad to hear it.. well plz log into msn like to chat soon.

~jamie
*EeveeOfDoom:iconEeveeOfDoom: Sep 17, 2008, 8:38:16 PM
your webcam made me LOL XD

--
Close your eyes.... Pray to the moon and the stars...
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 13, 2008, 1:42:46 PM
You're welcome. :D

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~ComtesseAarre:iconComtesseAarre: Sep 13, 2008, 11:02:37 AM
Thanks for the +fav, darling! :D

--
Dein Leben besteht nicht aus den Momenten in denen du atmest, es sind die Momente die dir den Atem rauben...
~Chaldemone:iconChaldemone: Sep 12, 2008, 6:33:15 PM
I love it too. Still.... wow. :XD:

--
William Faulkner: "The past is never dead; it's not even past."

"Time passed; worlds diverged. [. . .] and time turned friends to strangers."

Proud member of ~ApocalypticSanctuary and ~Eiccatoppinenitis.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 9, 2008, 7:05:26 PM
I love it. It only took me a few minutes to make. :XD:

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
~Chaldemone:iconChaldemone: Sep 9, 2008, 4:50:22 PM
:lmao: Your new webcam... wow. :XD:

--
William Faulkner: "The past is never dead; it's not even past."

"Time passed; worlds diverged. [. . .] and time turned friends to strangers."

Proud member of ~ApocalypticSanctuary and ~Eiccatoppinenitis.
~musicatmidnight:iconmusicatmidnight: Sep 6, 2008, 2:14:44 PM
I know, right? :XD:

--
"Dangflabbit, Richard Simmons!" :shakefist: ~K.K
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